I ain't gonna lie to ya

I find it interesting and somewhat unnerving when people use the phrase “I ain’t gonna lie to ya” more than six times in a conversation.

My immediate response is to think “well, that’s good… but I didn’t assume you WERE going to lie to me."

Today I conducted an interview with a sweet young woman hoping to get a job as a caregiver with my company.

ME: “So, Tami, do you have experience providing care for senior citizens?”

TAMI: (to be read in EXTREME SOUTHERN ACCENT, worse than Ellie Mae Clampett) “Well, I ain’t gonna lie to ya. I took care of my grandmaw for three years 'fore she died. She weighed like 400 pounds and she could be a hateful old bitty. But I ain’t gonna lie to ya. I loved the work…. Honest.”

I really wanted to reply, "Thanks, Tami. You're such a refreshing change from all the other candidates who announced that they WERE going to lie to me."....but of course I didn't say it.
ME: “Great. Do you have any training in the healthcare field, CNA or anything like that?”

TAMI: “I got my CNA certificate early last year and worked in a nursing home after that…I ain’t gonna lie to ya. I would of stayed there longer, but, to tell the truth, I got laid-off. I loved them people in that home. I ain't lyin."

And so the conversation went…me asking typical interview questions and Tami unconsciously reassuring me that her statements were 100-percent truthful. I started to grab the Gideon Bible off the shelf and say “Tami, do you mind placing your right hand on this for the rest of the job interview?”

And she’d respond ,“I ain’t gonna lie to ya. I don’t mind placing my hand on that there Bible one bit.”

And then I’d respond, “Tami, I think you’re lying. Are you lying to me, Tami?” Maybe I'd grab her around the throat and shake her just for dramatic emphasis.

And then she’d respond. “I ain’t gonna lie to ya. I’m not lyin.’ Not one bit. No ma’am, I’m not. And that's the honest truth.”

I used to have a boss who’d pepper his dialogue with the phrase “if you will.”

“We just finalized the new strategic marketing plan for the peripheral product line. It’s going to be a different approach, if you will.”'

"Tomorrow I'm assuming you're still meeting with Peter in graphics to approve the new layout. He's quite a character...."if you will."

Just once I wanted to stop him and say “as a matter of fact, I WON’T this time, Bart! No, I will NOT. I’m not sure what I won’t do, because I really don’t know what you think I WILL do. If I will…WHAT?”

I ain’t gonna lie to ya, phrases like that get on my nerves.

Incidentally, Tami didn't get the job. I just couldn't shake the feeling that maybe she was....lying to me.