Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Help Me Photoshop
If you can read this, then tell me what you think about it. I’m trying to learn a new program...Adobe InDesign, thanks to some benevolent software pirating on the part of my old friend Emilio, I have the entire suite of Adobe programs on my desktop. Unfortunately, Emilio’s copyright infringement didn’t come with any tutorials. Not even a “good luck.” So far, after reading all of the HELP articles, visiting the HELP desk and crying HELLLLPPPPPP to no one in particular, I’ve learned to create a text box and type in it. Something tells me this is as far as I’m going to get.
So, I have these awesome programs, capable of producing cutting edge graphics and painting over even the largest, angriest most hormonal, flying saucer looking facial zits in photos. And with Illustrator I could.....uhm.....illustrate? But I don't know how. And it's frustrating me. I eve bought a book, Photoshop for Labotomized Ignoramuses, but it was over my head.
None of my friends or family members seem to be able to help me either. Grant, who knows Photoshop like the back of his Fender guitar pick, was going to teach me. He said he'd have me doing layouts, corrections and filtering in no time. But our 30 minute tutorial session wound up being a brag jam of him strumming made up songs on his new instrument while I, periodically muttered, “that’s great, now can we get down to business?”
I hate Photoshop. I hate Grant. He always promises to do things for me and then goes off on some right-brained tangent that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Like the time I asked him to take photos of my kids in their baseball and karate uniforms and he instead went off with a waitress in the coffee shop we were supposed to meet at. I'm not sure how anyone can get off track that dramatically.
So, I guess I'll sit here and keep typing in my text box until I figure out the next step. Adobe programs really make me want to get Bill Gates in a bear hug and thank him profusely for making microsoft products so easy to use.