This morning as I shopped, I found myself singing along to John Mellancamp’s version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus on the department store Muzak (or whatever the heck it is these days). It’s kind of creepy listening to Johnny boy’s gravelly voice confessing voyeuristic pleasure over his mother and St. Nick. I wonder how old she is anyway. And does he often walk in on her making out with mythical child idols?
But that got me thinking. “Uh-oh, my friends are undoubtedly saying under their breath. Here comes the rant.” I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus is a pretty disgusting song, if you ask me. We all know what it’s about. A kid sneaks a peak at his mom getting hot and heavy with bearded man in red suit. But what gets me is that the kid thought it was funny. FUNNY!!! He wasn’t alarmed. He wasn’t ashamed!!! He simply found the whole situation to be humorous. This leads me to wonder just how many times the kid walks in on his mom making out with strange men in their home. It’s obviously a common place happening. He thinks nothing about Mom slipping the tongue to someone other than his father. The fact that it’s Santa Claus gives him a chuckle. SICK!!!! Maybe Santa’s real name was John and she was just making some extra cash for the holidays. Maybe Santa’s her dealer…or even her pimp. We don’t know because the song doesn’t tell us. What we CAN safely assume is that Mom slings it around enough that her kid, having witnessed it time and again, is completely desensitized to her actions and even finds her harlotish behavior to be funny…even a little charming. I do have to give her credit for waiting until he's "supposed" to be tucked in his bed fast asleep. But STILL. It's outrageous.
The last verse of the song goes “oh what a laugh it would have been if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.” Yeah, Kid, it’s always hilarious, just a huge belly laugh when men walk in on their wives committing adultery. That’s the stuff cherished memories are made of. I suppose you wouldn’t be laughing if Dad had walked in with an M-16. The last line of the song would have Santa returning to the North Pole in a body bag.
Or even worse yet, what if Daddy gets into that kind of thing? What if he’s turned on by catching his wife with other men? What if that’s what the kid thought was funny…Mommy having a threesome with Daddy and Santa Claus?
Where is DFACS? Where is CPS when you need them? This child should obviously be removed from the home and sent to live with a Christian foster mother, who only has eyes for her husband…not Santa Claus and possibly the tooth fairy too.
And to think, most people think it’s just a cute little Christmas song. Wake up people!!!! It’s trash!
9 comments:
Only you, Angela.
That song always creeped me out, too, but I never knew why. I think you figured it out. LOL
That's because Santa was the dad dressed in a red suit, and the kid didn't know it was really him.
@ Eric....that's what we're SUPPOSED to think. But let me ask you. Where in the song does it SAY that it's his dad? Hmmmmmmmm???? It doesn't. We're just supposed to assume that it's all innocent.
Uh oh, somebody didn't get that Easy Bake Oven she asked for way back when!
I'm guessing that your rant is tongue-in-cheek.
Ha! That's it. I'm now outraged! I'm with you! Where will you be tomorrow? Let's picket the heck out of this thing!
Yeah, well big deal, Ang! I caught my mommy playing strip poker with the Easter Bunny and I was nothappy! In fact. it scarred me for life. Now whenever I see a chocolate bunny, I start vomiting up colored Easter eggs and those yellow marshmallow peeps.
It ain't pretty.
I'm with you -- Santa's obviously using his power to seduce moms everywhere.
But the mom in question is just a common Ho, Ho Ho!
You are so right about that song being totally twisted, and no one has ever taken the time to "flesh" this idea out until now! Thanks for the laugh!
Post a Comment